Coming home from the hospital tonight (I took the night off from Big Law to take care of Robo’s medical issues), I ended up in a drive thru in an admittedly not so great part of town (between TMC and my hood). Next thing I know, I am rear-ended and pushed forward several feet by the idiot in the black SUV behind me who was actually gunning for her passenger who’d stepped up to the drive-thru window on foot. They fled the scene of course. Police were called, but what could they do, really? I’m sure that by morning those two will have forgotten the episode. However, just in case a dead body or two should turn up, there is at least a semblance of a report and a vague description of the vehicle and occupants (on my part), eyewitness accounts (on the parts of two servers), and drive-thru lane video footage. Oy. The damage wasn’t bad; I probably won’t even report it. The irony is that there is this exact establishment blocks from my home, but I wanted to sip iced tea on the 20 minute drive from TMC to my driveway; otherwise I’d have waited until I was closer to home.

Do you want crime scene tape with those fries, ma'am?

I just had a very cathartic cry, upstairs in my office. I put on the saddest song I know (“Shattered” by Trading Yesterday), and just let the tears flow, taking with them all the pain, anguish, uncertainty, confusion, sorrow, and every negative thing I had in me. I mean it was a real snot-fest, with huge racking sobs that probably startled the cat. (In fact she’s still keeping a watchful eye on me from her chair across the room.)

And when I was done, I washed my face and poured myself a nice glass of Diet Dr Pepper. I feel much better now. The decks have been cleared and I can focus once more. Like a thunderstorm clears the air and waters the grass, so too do tears have healing properties.

As reason clouds my eyes // with splendor fading // Illusions of the sunlight // And the reflection of a lie will keep me waiting // Love gone for so long…

Something just hit me today as I was angrily storming from the bathroom to my bedroom, in a hurry to get dressed for work. I was in danger of being late (again) because at the last minute, Robert needed care that meant I had to drop everything I was doing.

The thing that hit me was that I have forgotten how to be in love. I love Robert, don’t get me wrong. He’s been in my life since I was 22. But the time seems to have long since past that I feel in love. I suppose this happens to everyone in a long-term relationship, doesn’t it?

The thing that caused me to even think of it was that I’d written an email to a friend who had recently fallen in love. I told this friend to “remember what it feels like to be in love. It can hit you like a sack of rocks and take your breath away.” And it dawned on me today that I haven’t felt that way for a very long time. And maybe I should. Perhaps it will give me a new perspective on things.

Where Is the Love?