After reading another blogger’s post recently and her mention of the Europe-based lonelyhearts site Meetic (don’t bother to click; it’s merged with Match.com now and if you are on a U.S. server, you won’t be able to access it), I decided to do some poking around on it. It’s actually pretty amazing (and often quite comical) what you’ll find.

A Dog Eat Dog World

For example, apparently, most men (or at least most American men, or at least the ones posting on this site and others like it) do not think there is a thing in the world wrong with having a beer gut “out to here”! Interestingly enough, the bigger the gut, the smaller these same men want their mates to be.

The number of seemingly college educated men whose profiles are filled with grammatical inconsistencies and misspellings is mind-boggling.

The site asks you to rate your appearance. I think this is a two-edged sword. If you answer that you think you are good looking, people will think you are conceited. On the other hand, if you don’t think you are attractive, you can hardly expect anyone else to. What’s the right answer?

“Unspecified” in terms of describing the number of children one has is alarming to say the least.

If you are too lazy to completely fill out a profile, it’s quite possible this trait spills over into other areas of your life. Don’t think that most women won’t pick up on this fact. (And hence, they won’t be picking up YOU!)

While surfing your results, you have the option of “teasing” the person. (I shudder to think what this means and did not dare clicky on the linky.) Or you can add them to what I can only assume is the online dating equivalent of a shopping cart? Rowwrrr!

One man, in a desperate, last-ditch bid, decided to come clean and had the temerity to proclaim in his personal profile that “brains aren’t necessary, but a nice bank account is.” Another warned he was tired of 10-year old Nigerians with parents and would henceforth not be talking to any of these types in the future. (Sorry, girls!)

God, I’m glad I have Robert! Otherwise, I guess I’d have to go out there and do some “field work.”

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Bozone: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

Cashtration: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

Decafalon: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

Glibido: All talk and no action.

Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Arachnoleptic fit: The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

Beelzebug: Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

Caterpallor: The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating.