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Two Years, Two Million Tears

Posted: December 7th, 2013 | Filed Under: About Him,About Me

I cannot believe that it will be two years tomorrow since Robo left my life forever. Sometimes it seems as raw and painful as if it happened just yesterday. Some days — most days, actually — I go through my daily routine with Robo tagging along in the back of my thoughts and in my heart. Other days, the grief overtakes me and I have to indulge myself in a tear-fest. Often those happen sitting in my car in the garage outside my house. Other times, in the shower, as I remember the baths he so loved to take, especially in the roll in shower created just for him right after we bought this house. With money gained from his medical malpractice suit.

I wonder often how different our lives would be if he hadn’t gotten sick, hadn’t had the toe amputations, and most importantly, hadn’t had the spinal epidural abscess that left him paralyzed and unable to walk.
Would our lives be better or just different? Would he have passed sooner — due to some self-destructive habit — or would he be with me now, probably in some ramshackle apartment but ambulatory.

I don’t concern myself with these what-ifs very often. Some of them, I’ve never articulated until now. Mostly, I just miss Robo every day of my life. Every day, I am reminded of him. A song that makes me sad or reminds me of him, food that he liked that I happen upon in the grocery store, a neighborhood haunt that we liked, sometimes anything will trigger a memory. I guess you never stop missing someone you love; they remain in your heart and mind always.

I will drive out to the cemetery tomorrow just because I feel the need to be especially close to Robo tomorrow, cold and raining though it might be. And I’ll stand there for a few minutes and tell him out loud all the things I feel and what’s been happening and what a crazy year it has been and I will probably cry. Scratch that. I KNOW I will cry, but it will be okay because no one looks at you like you are crazy if you cry in a cemetery.


Robert, I wish you had stayed around a while. But I guess that is me being selfish. You had to go. But remember that I will always need you, and miss you and love you. Every day of my life.

Shirley Temple Versus Honey Boo Boo

Posted: August 3rd, 2013 | Filed Under: Culture Shock,Movies and TV

The dumbing down of America is in full swing what with the likes of Lizard Lick Towing, Honey Boo Boo Child and many other reality shows featuring denizens of the South. Not to say that all Southerners are “chaw” chewing backwoods inbred monsters. Because, after all, there was also Mayberry.

But which child would you rather believe is a reflection of our society?

This one?

Or this one?

Or maybe this one?

A Date With A Russian Mobster

Posted: May 9th, 2013 | Filed Under: Culture Shock,To Serbia With Love,Video

Well, not really. I was looking on one of my storage drives for something and stumbled onto this old video snippet from when my bestie, Ivan, was visiting me from Belgrade, Serbia. We were in my car, his friend was driving, he was riding shotgun and no one was paying attention to the GPS on the dashboard (least of all me, since it was set to converse in their native language, Serbian!). I was explaining the vicissitudes of valet parking.
Play Video (19MB)

Unable Are The Loved To Die…

Posted: April 28th, 2013 | Filed Under: About Him,Famous Quotes,Love,Widda Hood

Unable are the Loved to die
For Love is Immortality,
Nay, it is Deity –

Unable they that love — to die
For Love reforms Vitality
Into Divinity.

For Roberto…

Posted: April 28th, 2013 | Filed Under: About Him,Famous Quotes,Love,Widda Hood

The Call

Out of the nothingness of sleep,
The slow dreams of Eternity,
There was a thunder on the deep:
I came, because you called to me.

I broke the Night’s primeval bars,
I dared the old abysmal curse,
And flashed through ranks of frightened stars
Suddenly on the universe!

The eternal silences were broken;
Hell became Heaven as I passed. –
What shall I give you as a token,
A sign that we have met, at last?

I’ll break and forge the stars anew,
Shatter the heavens with a song;
Immortal in my love for you,
Because I love you, very strong.

Your mouth shall mock the old and wise,
Your laugh shall fill the world with flame,
I’ll write upon the shrinking skies
The scarlet splendour of your name,

Till Heaven cracks, and Hell thereunder
Dies in her ultimate mad fire,
And darkness falls, with scornful thunder,
On dreams of men and men’s desire.

Then only in the empty spaces,
Death, walking very silently,
Shall fear the glory of our faces
Through all the dark infinity.

So, clothed about with perfect love,
The eternal end shall find us one,
Alone above the Night, above
The dust of the dead gods, alone.”
? Rupert Brooke

A Quote For Roberto

Posted: April 23rd, 2013 | Filed Under: About Him,Love,Reads and Writes,Widda Hood

“You’ll get over it…” It’s the clichés that cause the trouble. To lose someone you love is to alter your life forever. You don’t get over it because ‘it” is the person you loved. The pain stops, there are new people, but the gap never loses. How could it? The particularness of someone who mattered enough to grieve over is not made anodyne by death. This hole in my heart is in the shape of you and no-one else can fit it. Why would I want them to?”

~ Jeanette Winterson (Written on the Body)

Some Girls…

Posted: April 7th, 2013 | Filed Under: Blogging,Just Damn,Love

I admit it. Sometimes we women can be pains in men’s asses. Just ask this guy …

… whose only crime was go to Europe on a backpacking vacation and turn his cell phone off. Nevermind that he TOLD his girlfriend this several times before he left. She wasn’t listening.

And just ask Kyle. His crime? Forgetting to get his girlfriend a gift for Valentine’s day one year.

A Shining Egg-xample

Posted: March 30th, 2013 | Filed Under: About Me,Capitalist Piggy,Holiday

Some of my fondest childhood memories involved my favorite Uncle Herbert. He was responsible for teaching me to read even before I was in kindergarten, teaching me to draw, and making me want to do my best.

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Is Santa Supposed to Say “Dammit”?

Posted: December 25th, 2012 | Filed Under: About Me,Holiday

My fondest childhood memories of Christmas morning involved “coffee milk,” presents and swearing. It’s usually what got me out of bed on Christmas morning. I wasn’t like a normal kid who got up at 3 in the morning to stake out the tree waiting for Santa to arrive, hoping to catch him in the act (or my parents in a huge coverup). Nope, I stayed in bed until I heard the cussing and smelled the coffee.

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Another Holiday Without Robo

Posted: December 17th, 2012 | Filed Under: About Him,About Me,Holiday,Widda Hood

I cannot believe it’s been a year. I couldn’t blog on the anniversary. It hit me pretty hard. I spent the day remembering, hour by hour reliving everything. My brain wouldn’t let me NOT do that. Everyone around me is planning Christmas and I am trying to be cheerful about it all. We never decorated the house for Christmas — I guess not having kids spared us of that obligation. But we always treated ourselves to one spectacular “house present” every year, ranging from airline tickets for a planned Las Vegas trip to a new HD TV and everything in between. Last year, we had planned to treat ourselves to a fine steak dinner at Morton’s Steakhouse. I had even printed out the menus and Robo had already begun fantasizing about his dinner. But that never happened. And I got caught up in the funeral arrangements and my own hospitalization at the same time — so that the holidays last year were just a big blur. This year I have more time to brood about it, and that’s exactly what I’ve done. Not consciously, you understand. but I just cannot help it.

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